Exploration into Breathwork

 Since I've been on this path, I keep hearing Breathwork... Breathwork from the Akashic reading, Breathwork from the founder of my Psychedelic studies program, Breathwork from one of the guys on my Tuesday night Manifesting Humanity call that I was divinely connected with, Breathwork from MindScape suggested by the amazing inspirational Vanessa.

BREATHWORK?!

Then a workshop became available last Friday offered at the Open Doors metaphysical shop I had visited for my IFA ceremony items. Even better it was "Full Moon Breathwork and Reiki for Releasing", it was perfect celestial timing and though I think I had released my major issues in Mexico, I still am feeling some stuck energy and maybe I could get out any residual conflicts within me.. Plus Reiki and some sound healing! The class description noted described this conscious connected breathing technique is done lying down, in a continuous 3-part breath for about 30 minutes. "This is an intense and active meditation, which vivaciously and energetically charges the body and opens the mind to journey in a self-induced mind-altering voyage, offering the space for you to explore your conscious and subconscious while remaining in the safety of your body and breath."

It was pouring that day. But I was still going to go. They offered the workshop in the small studio space below the shop and it was beautifully set up. The woman running the workshop, Ashlyn, had set up some candles, herbs, and crystals for the ceremony, and there were yoga mats and blankets provided throughout the space. There were seven of us there and I could feel the tension and energy in the air, these people were experienced and here for a purpose! 

This was all new to me and I didnt really know what I was getting into. I had heard about Holotropic breathwork from Kyle, during his introduction in my program, and I had read about how some breathwork could induce similar psychedelic releases, the DMT breakthrough without the DMT. This class was described as Conscious connected breathwork, so when Ashlyn asked if there were any questions before we began I had inquired about how this was similar or different from Holotropic and what I could expect? The woman next to me was already very emotional, and the energy in the room that I mentioned was palpable so I had a feeling this might be more intense than I imagined.

Ashlyn wasn't as familiar with the Holotropic work but mentioned that practice was done usually for extended periods of time, an hour or more at a rapid pace. We would be doing only about 30 minutes of breathwork and then the sound healing would be performed, then integration back into the space. Holotropic breathwork involves a more rapid, rhythmic technique, often paired with evocative music, and is designed to induce altered states of consciousness often in large group settings. I could expect some intense feelings, radiation of energy and tingling sensation throughout the body as the breathing progresses, and states of "Alice in Wonderland" types of experiences. Our hands or extremities may experience pins and needles sensations, where we are encouraged to acknowledge and just move about as needed. We were encouraged to let go our the emotion, warned that usually in these spaces when one person begins to release, it causes a chain reaction of others in the space to feel comfortable to release as well. There would be points where our bodies want to stop, but we should push through and continue to force the breathing cycle to reach a tipping point of letting go and releasing. I still wasn't as prepared after her response. I had read that different types of breathwork could sometimes be discouraged from those who are not in good mental states and those with panic and anxiety as the rapid breathing cycles could induce feelings of panic and induce attacks. But I wasn't in that head space and I was there to release!

All of the sudden we were getting into position to lay down on our backs with our heads facing into the circle. The lights were turned down and the music turned on. Ashlyn started encouraging the circular breathing, and I could physically hear those around me beginning the process. Belly, Chest, Release, Belly Chest, Release, Belly, Chest, Release, over and over. It was a lot. The music was loud, Ashlyn was shouting encouragement and the tension was building. The woman next to me began to shout words of emotional release, her stress and anger was coming out. I could feel my whole body beginning to radiate with energy, the tingling sensation that Ashlyn spoke of. She came around and placed an oil on my chin, maybe of musk and jasmine. I felt the anxiety beginning to rise in me and my mind went to a place of fear, I don't like this, I don't like where it's leading me, it's too fast, too intense, but at the same time I was fascinated and curious and going somewhere. I was fighting it, I started to control my breathing and not keep up with the same pace of the others, I couldn't go there yet, I'm not ready. Or am I? I was reaching an increasingly higher state of some kind of emotion and panic, I was heading towards the tipping point, but I was too afraid to let go. I was frustrated and annoyed, but experiencing all at the same time. It was emotional at one point, I remember tears coming through, mixed with the frustration of holding myself back and the anxiety that was coming. Should I just get up and leave, what if I did?? I couldn't disrupt this experience for myself and for the others though?!

Then the sound came. The most incredible, beautiful sound washed over and through my entire body and it was bliss. It was comfort and warmth and calmness. The different tones just keeping ringing and I saw a destination of sand and water, palm trees and sun. Bali.. Again. The calling was there. I AM HERE. I was home within myself. I  was going back to my experience with the microdose of the Ibogaine. I AM HERE. THIS is what I came here for to feel and experience and remind me I am safe and powerful within myself. 

The sound healing ended and the integration back into the room began. I have no idea what I just experienced, but there was a lot to it. I was blown away, in awe a bit. I couldn't believe the place my own breath just took me to.

Ashlyn guided everyone back to the room and asked if anyone wanted to share. ME! I DID! I needed to share what I just experienced. It's interesting, no one spoke. No one else, besides one other woman who shared this was her first time attending this workshop, had really shared or spoken allowed at all during the class. Are you not supposed to share or speak? It seemed like I was the main character in my own video game, the level I was playing was Conscious Connected breathwork and I had to make my way through it and reach the end. Though others were in the room, they seemed like NPCs. They were there physically, but I was not connected to them. I had to share my experience regardless.

I asked if it was ok to share my thoughts and I was encouraged to do so. I acknowledged those around me and thanked them all for allowing me to the share the space with them. I'm new, none of these people know but, but I appreciated them none the less for letting me have this experience and feel comfortable and safe. I smiled and said "Sooo I dont know if breathwork is the right thing for me!" but I acknowledged the intensity and emotions and then the joy that came to me from the sound. The sound healing was it for me, I was able to connect and was brought back to my experience with psychedelics in Mexico, the calling to a destination I'm meant to go to, the peace of being brought to the home within myself. It was a scary and beautiful experience that I needed to acknowledge and appreciate. 

At this point I was dying to get on my Tuesday night call with the Manifesting Harmony group! I had to ask Brad.. WTF?! How do you like this?? Having a history of anxiety that sounded similar to mine, I couldn't fathom this could be something people recovering anxiety could possibly enjoy or recommend?!

When sharing with my Vanessa, my integration coach, the following Monday, I was pumped to share my experience - I'm doing the things!!😂 But omg was this wild. I still feel like I'm not really ready to fully give up on it, but maybe I need to dip my toes with a more gentle approach instead of cannon balling into the depths of Conscious connected breathwork??

Vanessa isn't as knowledgeable about breathwork either, but we decided to look some different types up while we were on our call and see if there wasn't something else that could be better for me. As she was looking some up, I was doing the same and my eyes feel upon "Rebirthing" breathwork. Vanessa started to say she had found one that could be good.. "Clarity, or REBIRTHING" ... I laughed, of course that was the one I had been focusing on. Perfect, what is this one all about? "Formerly known as Rebirthing Breathwork, this practice is gentle, circular, and emotionally attuned. It's rooted in presence rather than peak. Sessions often include inquiry, soft music, and integration. Many practitioners emphasize the divine feminine, heart-opening, and intuitive unfolding." This sounded way more my speed! But I'm still doing the thing!!

Fast forward to Tuesday night and I was finally able to ask Brad all about this breathwork! I said how on earth does this work for you?? Did you not feel like you were launching into a full blown panic attack?? I shared my experience and he jumped right in "RACHEL I HATED IT!!!" 😂😂 Ahhhh justice! Apparently when he first started he hated the whole thing too and was feeling the exact same way I was. BUT he stuck with it. He worked with Rory (the Manifesting Humanity host and facilitator) on being able to work with the feelings of anxiety when they come on and allow them to be released. I acknowledged it was the fear that was actually holding me back, I didn't want to go back to this overwhelming sensation that had kept me imprisoned for so long, but that was the beauty of it! Brad was able to use the breathwork practice to face the anxiety and not let it take over. Rory and Brad both encouraged me to STICK WITH IT! Keep practicing, face the fear and LET GO! 

It's funny because after Vanessa and I discussed the Rebirthing/Clarity breathwork technique, the more I looked into it, it really is just like the Conscious Connected practice! Of course it is! Something is pulling me forward to DO THE THING, to face it because I CAN. 

I was strong enough and had the courage to breakthrough with DMT. The feeling of LETTING GO was of nothing in this world, it was freedom and release and better than anything I had ever felt. I've been feeling like there is more for me to explore. This can be that further exploration and I need to face it head on. And I will.

I thought this prayer was perfect for today and this blog. The strength to release what I once held onto out of hear. Guide me gently, protect my peace, and lead me into a season that feels like freedom.

I have, am, and will continue to release my fear with the strength I have within me. I am so grateful for what is being given to me and the lessons I'm learning on this path. 

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